How to recognise the signs, start the conversation, and offer meaningful help
When someone you care about is going through depression, it can be difficult to know how to help. You might notice they’ve changed in ways you can’t quite explain. Perhaps they’re quieter, less interested in things they used to love, or harder to reach. You may feel worried, helpless, or even frustrated — unsure whether to step in or give them space.
Depression affects not only the person experiencing it but also those around them. As a friend, partner, or family member, your role can be significant. While you can’t “fix” depression, your steady support can make a real difference.
Recognising the Signs in Someone Else
Depression doesn’t always look like sadness. Often, it’s a slow withdrawal from everyday life. You might see them cancelling plans, avoiding calls, or seeming flat and disengaged even when they show up.
They may:
- Have less energy than usual
- Struggle to concentrate or follow conversations
- Appear more irritable or short-tempered
- Express feelings of hopelessness or low self-worth
Sometimes, they’ll mask these feelings entirely — especially at work or around children. Trust your instincts; if something feels different, it’s worth paying attention.
Starting the Conversation
Talking about mental health can feel awkward, but a gentle approach can open the door. Begin with observations rather than assumptions:
- “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately. How are you, really?”
- “You seem a bit quieter than usual. I’m here if you want to talk.”
Avoid comments that minimise their feelings, like “cheer up” or “it’s not that bad.” These can feel dismissive and make it harder for them to open up.
Sometimes, they may not want to talk — and that’s OK. Let them know the door is always open, and be willing to revisit the conversation later.
Offering Practical Support
Small, consistent actions can be more helpful than grand gestures. You might:
- Invite them for a short walk or a coffee
- Offer to help with a practical task like cooking a meal or running errands
- Send a quick message to let them know you’re thinking of them
- Suggest activities you’ve enjoyed together before, without pressure
Your aim isn’t to force them into action but to remind them they’re not alone and that life still contains moments of connection.
Encouraging Professional Help
Depression often convinces people they should manage on their own. If you sense this, gently encourage them to seek professional support. You could say:
- “Have you thought about talking to a counsellor? I can help you find one.”
- “I know it can feel daunting, but speaking to a GP might be a good next step.”
Offer to help research options, go with them to an appointment, or simply check in after they’ve made contact.
Looking After Yourself
Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally demanding. You may feel a sense of responsibility for their wellbeing, but remember: you cannot pour from an empty cup.
It’s important to:
- Set boundaries to protect your own energy
- Talk to someone about your feelings
- Make time for your own hobbies and rest
Your wellbeing matters, too — both for you and for your ability to be there for them.
When Urgent Help is Needed
If your loved one talks about feeling hopeless, expresses suicidal thoughts, or shows signs of severe withdrawal, it’s essential to seek immediate help. Contact their GP, call a mental health crisis line, or, if necessary, emergency services.
You’re Not Alone Either
If you’re supporting someone through depression, remember: you don’t have to navigate it on your own. At Hope Therapy & Counselling Services, we offer guidance not only for those living with depression but also for the people who care about them.
👉 Book a free, confidential consultation
A conversation can be the first step towards feeling less alone.