Some experiences stay with us long after they are over. A single memory—or a series of related moments—can continue to shape how we feel, how we respond emotionally, and how safe or connected we feel in romantic relationships. Even when we understand something logically, our body and emotions may still react as if the past is happening in the present.
Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a therapeutic approach designed to help people process these experiences more fully, so they no longer hold the same emotional charge.
When Memories Are Not Fully Processed
Difficult or overwhelming experiences are not always stored in the brain in a helpful way. Instead of becoming part of our narrative past, they can remain “stuck,” easily triggered by reminders such as conflict, intimacy, rejection, or emotional distance.
In relationships, this can show up as:
- intense emotional reactions that feel out of proportion
- anxiety around closeness or abandonment
- difficulty trusting partners, even when you want to
- repeating patterns despite conscious efforts to change
- feeling emotionally flooded, shut down, or stuck in self-protection
These responses are not flaws. They are often signs that your nervous system is still responding to earlier experiences that have not yet been fully processed.
What EMDR Is—and What It Is Not
EMDR is not about reliving trauma in detail or forcing insight. It is a structured, evidence-based therapy that helps the brain process memories in a way that allows them to settle.
Using bilateral stimulation—such as guided eye movements, tapping, or sounds—EMDR supports the brain’s natural ability to reprocess memories. Over time, the emotional intensity attached to those memories reduces, and new understanding can emerge without being overwhelming.
People often describe EMDR as helping memories feel more “in the past,” rather than something that keeps intruding into the present.
Processing One Memory Often Means Processing More
Many people come to EMDR with a specific memory in mind—perhaps a recent betrayal, a painful breakup, or a moment where trust was broken. What often becomes clear in therapy is that this memory is connected to earlier experiences.
EMDR allows space to process:
- the presenting memory
- earlier relational experiences that shaped expectations of love or safety
- beliefs formed about yourself, such as “I’m not enough” or “I can’t rely on others”
By working through both the recent and earlier experiences, therapy helps create a more coherent understanding of how patterns developed—without blame or self-criticism.
Gaining Insight Into Relationship Patterns
One of the aims of EMDR is not only emotional relief, but deeper self-understanding. As memories are processed, people often notice shifts in how they see themselves and their relationships.
This can include:
- recognising why certain situations feel particularly triggering
- understanding protective behaviours such as withdrawal, hypervigilance, or people-pleasing
- developing more choice in how you respond emotionally
- feeling less driven by fear and more grounded in the present
This insight is not forced. It tends to emerge naturally as emotional intensity reduces and clarity increases.
Improving Wellbeing, Not Erasing the Past
EMDR does not erase memories or pretend difficult experiences did not happen. Instead, it helps integrate them so they no longer dominate your emotional world.
Many people notice improvements in:
- emotional regulation and anxiety levels
- sleep and physical tension
- self-compassion and confidence
- capacity for closeness and trust
- overall sense of wellbeing and stability
The goal is not to become unaffected by life, but to respond from a place of greater safety and self-awareness.
A Gentle, Collaborative Process
EMDR is always paced carefully. A trained therapist ensures that you have grounding tools, emotional support, and choice throughout the process. You remain in control, and therapy moves at a speed that feels manageable.
For those who want to release the hold of difficult experiences, understand their relational patterns more clearly, and improve their emotional wellbeing, EMDR can be a powerful and compassionate approach.
What are the aims?
We are all different, so the best way of working with each person will be different. However, the broad aims include:
- The reduction of re-experiencing traumatic memories
- To assist you in feeling more able to cope with and manage any traumatic memories
- To support your ability to engage with and enjoy pleasurable activities.
- The reduction of feelings of stress, anxiety, irritation and hypervigilance.
- To reduce the sense of isolation we may feel.
- To assist self-confidence and self-esteem
Will I be in good hands?
EMDR is a specialised form of Psychotherapy. Because of this, everybody in our EMDR team is also an Accredited Cognitive Behavioural Therapist (CBT). This means they are experienced in dealing with a wide range of psychological needs.
What do I do next?
If you wish to discuss receiving EMDR or want to learn more, simply get in touch.