It’s Not Who You Are, It’s What You’ve Been Through
Low self-esteem can feel deeply personal, like an invisible weight that you carry day in and day out. It’s easy to believe it’s a flaw in who you are, something permanent that you just have to accept. But this simply isn’t true. As Ian Stockbridge, Founder of Hope Therapy, so aptly says:
“Low self-esteem can often feel deeply personal and unchangeable. Recognising that our experiences and circumstances shape our self-esteem, rather than it being a fault in who we are, is such an important step toward self-compassion and growth.”
Simon, one of our Counsellors, adds:
“Sometimes low self-esteem can feel like quite a hopeless thing and personal – as though it’s locked into our personality.”
This shift in perspective is powerful. It reminds us that self-esteem isn’t a reflection of our worth or identity—it’s often shaped by the challenges we’ve faced and the environments we’ve experienced.
What Is Low Self-Esteem?
Low self-esteem is the voice inside your head that tells you you’re not good enough or that you don’t deserve happiness. It might look like doubting yourself, struggling to accept compliments, or feeling unworthy of love and success. Over time, these beliefs can become deeply ingrained, making it feel impossible to imagine a life without them.
How Does Low Self-Esteem Develop?
Our self-esteem is shaped by our experiences, especially during childhood and adolescence. Some common influences include:
- Critical or Negative Environments: Growing up around criticism or unrealistic expectations can cause us to question our worth.
- Bullying or Social Rejection: Feeling rejected by peers or enduring bullying can deeply impact our confidence.
- Trauma or Difficult Life Events: Loss, abuse, or other hardships can make us feel powerless or “less than” others.
- Unrealistic Comparisons: In the age of social media, it’s easy to compare our lives to someone else’s highlight reel and feel like we’re falling short.
Understanding where low self-esteem comes from allows us to see it for what it truly is: a response to life’s challenges, not an unchangeable part of who we are.
Practical One-to-One Support
At Hopeful Minds, we understand that self-esteem and self-confidence are closely connected to how we perceive and value ourselves. There are many reasons why we may struggle in these areas, from negative childhood experiences to life events that have shaped the way we see ourselves and interact with the world.
Low self-esteem can impact our mental health in profound ways. It can leave us feeling unhappy, anxious, and unable to cope with challenging situations as they arise. In turn, certain mental health conditions can also reinforce these feelings, making it even harder to break the cycle.
How to Identify Low Self-Esteem or Self-Confidence
If you’re unsure whether you struggle with self-esteem, here are some common signs to look out for:
- Finding it difficult to speak up and prioritise your own needs?
- Continually apologising and feeling guilty?
- Not wanting to rock the boat, even when you feel you should?
- Finding it hard to set boundaries for others and yourself?
- Having a really critical perception of yourself?
- Your internal dialogue with yourself is always harsh?
Recognising these patterns is an important step. It gives us the awareness to start challenging them and to seek the support we need.
Moving Toward Self-Compassion
The first step to improving self-esteem is to meet yourself with kindness. This is where self-compassion comes in. When you notice negative thoughts, ask yourself:
- Would I say this to a loved one?
- What would I say to comfort a friend feeling the same way?
Challenging these thoughts takes time, but the goal is to replace self-criticism with understanding and patience. Remember: it’s okay to be a work in progress.
Practical Steps for Growth
While improving self-esteem isn’t always easy, there are steps you can take to build a healthier relationship with yourself:
- Identify Your Strengths: Write down the things you’re good at—even small things count!
- Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you notice self-critical thoughts, question their validity.
- Set Realistic Goals: Break big tasks into small, achievable steps to build confidence.
- Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge your successes, no matter how minor they may seem.
- Surround Yourself With Support: Spend time with people who lift you up and value you for who you are.
Tune Into Our Podcast
If this resonates with you and you want to dive deeper, we explore low self-esteem in our latest podcast episode. Our team shares insights on identifying and overcoming self-esteem challenges, offering practical tips and compassionate advice. 🎙️
👉 Listen now https://youtu.be/WOazSYI0uNg
The Path Forward
There will be days when the old voices creep back in, but the key is to keep moving forward with compassion and care. Low self-esteem doesn’t have to define you—it’s simply part of your story. And like any story, it can evolve.
As Ian Stockbridge reminds us, recognising that low self-esteem stems from circumstances, not from who you are, can empower you to take the first steps toward growth. You are not broken or unworthy. You are human, and you are enough—just as you are.