By Hope Therapy & Counselling Services
When people arrive in therapy, they often speak about their trauma in past tense — “It happened years ago,” or “I should be over it by now.” But trauma doesn’t keep time. It lingers in the body, seeps into relationships, and shapes how we see ourselves and the world around us. One of the most overlooked ways it does this is through personality.
You might think you were “born shy,” or that you’re “just a fixer,” or “the strong one” in your family. But often, these traits are not fixed aspects of who we are — they’re survival strategies.
At Hope Therapy, we see this all the time. Clients show up with stories of burnout, anxiety, or feeling emotionally stuck. And underneath it all, we often find trauma — not just as a past event, but as a formative force that shaped their entire personality.
What If Your Personality Was a Survival Strategy?
Let’s start with a gentle question:
What if your most “defining” personality traits were actually coping mechanisms?
- That people-pleasing part of you? Maybe it kept you safe in a volatile household.
- Your emotional detachment? Possibly a shield that helped you survive betrayal or neglect.
- Your relentless independence? Maybe you learnt early that no one else would meet your needs.
In therapy, we often explore how these parts formed. This doesn’t mean they’re bad or broken. On the contrary — they helped you survive. But they may no longer serve you in adulthood. Especially in relationships.
Trauma Shapes How We Relate — Not Just What We Remember
Not all trauma is obvious. Some people never experienced violence or catastrophe — but they lived in environments where their emotional needs were consistently unmet. That, too, is trauma.
Relational trauma, in particular, influences how we show up in friendships, romantic relationships, and even at work. And it often wires itself into personality traits.
At Hope Therapy, we work with clients who say things like:
- “I always put others first.”
- “I don’t trust anyone — I’d rather do it all myself.”
- “I don’t even know what I feel half the time.”
These aren’t just quirks. They’re the echoes of early survival strategies.
How CBT Helps Us Identify These Patterns
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be especially useful in helping us unpick where these patterns started — and whether they still reflect who we really are.
We use CBT to explore automatic thoughts: the split-second interpretations we make about ourselves and others. For example:
- “If I ask for help, I’m a burden.”
- “If I let my guard down, I’ll be rejected.”
- “If I’m not useful, I’m not lovable.”
These thoughts often feel like truth. But in CBT, we treat them as hypotheses — open to questioning, testing, and reframing.
What happens when you don’t over-function?
What if someone sees your vulnerable side and doesn’t walk away?
What if being loved doesn’t require performance?
CBT provides the framework — therapy provides the safety.
Personality Isn’t Fixed — It’s Fluid
Personality tests are everywhere — from Myers-Briggs to Enneagram to attachment styles. While these frameworks can be helpful, they’re not the whole story.
Your “type” might describe how you tend to cope, but it doesn’t define your capacity for growth. For example:
- A person who identifies as a “helper” (like an Enneagram Type 2) may have learnt to be indispensable to avoid abandonment.
- An “achiever” (Type 3) may have used success as a shield against shame.
- An “individualist” (Type 4) may be deeply creative, but also unconsciously stuck in grief or longing.
The goal of therapy isn’t to erase these parts. It’s to understand them — and to give you choice.
Therapy as a Space to Meet the Real You
In trauma-informed therapy, we help you meet the younger parts of yourself that developed these coping styles. We validate them, respect them — and then gently ask:
What else is possible now?
Maybe you don’t have to be the strong one all the time.
Maybe connection doesn’t require self-abandonment.
Maybe rest is safe.
We explore these possibilities at your pace, with compassion and clarity.
A Final Thought: You’re Not Too Much. You’re Not Too Little.
Personality traits shaped by trauma often come with shame. Clients say things like:
- “I’m too sensitive.”
- “I’m cold — I don’t know how to connect.”
- “I’m too needy, I push people away.”
But from a therapeutic point of view, we see the logic behind every part of you. None of it is random. None of it is shameful. Your personality didn’t appear out of nowhere — it’s a map of what you’ve lived through.
And the beautiful part? You can redraw that map.
FAQs
Is trauma always related to personality?
Not always — but trauma does significantly influence how we behave, relate, and view ourselves. What we call “personality” may often be a long-term response to unmet needs or unsafe experiences.
Can CBT really help with deep-rooted traits?
Yes — especially when used in a trauma-informed way. CBT helps identify beliefs and behaviours that were once protective but may now be limiting. Therapy gives you space to explore new patterns.
I’ve done personality tests — should I bring them to therapy?
Absolutely. They can be useful conversation starters. Your therapist can help you explore which parts feel authentic and which might be coping mechanisms.
Where do I start?
At Hope Therapy, we offer online and face-to-face counselling with trained professionals who understand the impact of trauma. You can book a free consultation here to see if we’re the right fit.