Not Being Heard During Pregnancy: Pregnancy is often painted in soft, glowing colours—the joyful bump updates, the first flutters, the nursery planning. But for many women, behind the smiles lies something a lot less Instagram-worthy: feeling unheard, misunderstood, or emotionally unsupported at a time when you’re more vulnerable than ever.
And if you’ve experienced trauma before—or during—a previous birth, poor communication and lack of emotional attunement in this pregnancy can be even more painful. Because being ignored or dismissed doesn’t just hurt your feelings. It can shake your sense of safety.
If you’re struggling to get the support you need—emotionally, mentally, even practically—please hear this: you’re not asking too much. Your needs are valid. And your mental health matters just as much as your physical health in pregnancy.
When you’re saying one thing, and people are hearing another
One of the hardest parts of pregnancy after trauma is trying to communicate what you need—only to feel like no one really gets it.
You might try to explain your fears, your flashbacks, your anxiety about giving birth again. But instead of real listening, you get:
- “Just stay positive!”
- “Don’t stress—it’s bad for the baby.”
- “Well, at least you’re having a baby—just focus on that.”
On the surface, these might sound like kind words. But to someone carrying the weight of past trauma or current fear, they can feel dismissive—like a door quietly closing in your face. And each time you feel shut down, it becomes harder to speak up the next time.
When emotional needs go unmet, it doesn’t just ‘go away’
Unmet emotional needs during pregnancy don’t just disappear. They sit just under the surface, affecting everything from your mood and sleep to how connected you feel to your baby and those around you.
And sometimes, when communication with partners, family, or professionals breaks down, that isolation can become overwhelming.
You might start to wonder:
- Am I being difficult?
- Should I just get on with it?
- Is something wrong with me for feeling like this?
No. You’re not too much. You’re a human being navigating something incredibly intense—and you need to be met with compassion, not correction.
Why clear, respectful communication matters
When someone really listens—when they look you in the eye and say, “I hear you”—everything changes. You feel safer. Calmer. Less alone. That’s not a luxury. That’s a mental health need.
In pregnancy, being heard and understood isn’t just a nice extra. It can:
- Reduce anxiety and panic
- Improve trust between you and your care team or partner
- Help prevent or reduce symptoms of antenatal or postnatal depression
- Encourage healthier decisions around birth planning
- Support better bonding with your baby—both in the womb and after birth
Not Being Heard During Pregnancy—what can you do?
If you’re feeling emotionally adrift, and those closest to you aren’t offering the understanding you need, there are places to turn:
💬 Talk to a therapist or perinatal mental health team
These professionals get it. They understand birth trauma, anxiety, PTSD, and how complex emotions in pregnancy can be. And they can help you build strategies to cope, process, and find your voice again.
🫂 Seek out peer support
Sometimes the most healing thing is talking to someone who’s been there. Whether it’s a local pregnancy support group or an online community, being in a space where your feelings are mirrored and validated can be incredibly grounding.
📝 Write it down
If speaking up feels too overwhelming, try writing a letter to your partner, midwife, or support person. Explain how you’re feeling and what you need. Sometimes giving people time to read and reflect can open up new conversations that felt too hard face-to-face.
🤝 Ask for a trauma-informed midwife or doula
If communication with your current provider is consistently poor, you have the right to ask for a different midwife or seek a doula who specialises in trauma-informed care. Your birth team should make you feel safe, not silenced.
You are allowed to want more than “just a healthy baby”
Of course, everyone wants a healthy baby. But you are part of this story too. Your mental health, your feelings, your sense of dignity and safety in pregnancy and birth—those matter just as much.
You don’t have to wait until things fall apart to seek help. If your needs are being ignored or minimised now, that’s a sign to reach out.
Because support isn’t a luxury. Feeling seen and understood isn’t a bonus. It’s a lifeline.
And you deserve it.