As featured in UpJourney.
We are proud to say that we have been included in a recent article for UpJourney that looks into the subject of why people do not like you and how to deal with the issues surrounding this and how facing this situation head on can help us learn valuable information about ourselves that we may otherwise overlook.
The article seeks to explore these factors and help us to understand how we can protect ourselves from stress, refocus your energy on caring for yourself and if appropriate, confront them using curiosity, kindness, and compassion.
Ian Stockbridge, the founder of Hope Therapy and Counselling Services contributed to the UpJourney article by providing his view on ‘How to deal with people who don’t like you’.
The first thing is, are we sure? The mind has a habit of filling in the gaps before knowing all the facts. So do we know someone doesn’t like us or simply believes it?
Should you care? Not everyone in life will like us, whoever we are. Even the most successful and popular people aren’t liked by everyone. So does it really matter if they like us or not? Sometimes it simply isn’t worth trying to build bridges.
Take a good hard look at yourself and ask whether I made a mistake. If we can see that we said something wrong or did something which upset the other person, sometimes the easiest and best thing is to accept it and apologize.
Stop ruminating about it; break the cycle by talking to friends
Sometimes it is hard to simply step away from the feeling that we are a terrible person or that everything is our fault. Interrupting that rumination cycle can help give perspective.
It can help us stop cycling around the same old self-destructive thoughts without moving the situation forward. There really are so many ways of doing this.
You could speak to friends, focus on your breath, or the sensations of your feet pressing down on the ground. Anything to break the cycle.
It doesn’t make the person like you or the problem go away. Still, it can be beneficial in stepping away from our rumination and helping us see things differently.
Practice self-care; do something you enjoy
It can be really easy to get dragged into negative self-talk, which in turn can feed feelings of low self-esteem, anxiety, or low mood.
Instead, making a deliberate plan to do something we enjoy can help feed the positive in us. This can be as simple as seeing a friend, going for a walk, or watching a film.
Make a plan to repair the situation
Sometimes we want to repair a ruptured relationship or get on the good side of someone.
Firstly, you could simply ask why the other person doesn’t seem to like you. If you do this, listen to understand, not argue back. This isn’t the time to create hostility. Instead, you are trying to see if there are ways of repairing the situation.
void defensiveness; remove yourself from the situation and return when you feel calmer
When hearing negative things about ourselves, getting defensive can be really easy. If trying to repair a relationship or misunderstanding, snapping, antagonizing, or becoming unduly defensive rarely helps.
Instead, use this as an opportunity to understand what is needed. For example, suppose we are finding ourselves getting angry or frustrated. In that case, it is often better to remove ourselves from the situation and return when we feel calmer.
Try to keep the situation as emotionally neutral as possible through communication
If you have got to the point where you are talking, help the other person understand how you feel. They may not realize just how much this is impacting you. Try to keep the situation as emotionally neutral as possible.
The aim is not to fall out. An excellent way of doing this is to use I statements. This helps us convey a sense of ownership of the situation without the other person feeling attacked.
An example might be:
“I am really disappointed that we don’t seem to be getting on at the moment, and I’d like to understand what can be done about this.”
Don’t refuel the attack; be conciliatory
If someone really doesn’t like you, we don’t want to give them more ammunition with which to attack you.
The best approach is to be conciliatory but keep our cards close to our chest until we decide it’s right to say more. Sometimes whatever we say, the other person just isn’t going to like us.
Sometimes it’s better to detach from the other person
Sometimes however hard we try, the other person won’t like us for no good reason. In cases like that, we are better off simply disengaging from the other person.
This doesn’t mean we have to create additional conflict. Instead, merely step away if persevering serves no purpose.
You can read the full article here: How to Deal With People Who Don’t Like You (upjourney.com). Thank you UpJourney for allowing us to contribute to this valuable and thought provoking article.