Understanding memory, attention, and everyday challenges in executive functioning
Written by Simon Hughes: Registered Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (MBACP)
Have you ever walked into a room and completely forgotten why you went there?
Forgotten appointments despite genuinely meaning to remember them?
Lost your keys for the third time this week, only to discover them somewhere completely unexpected?
For many people with ADHD and executive functioning difficulties, these moments are not occasional frustrations. They are everyday experiences that can create stress, shame, conflict, overwhelm, and self-criticism.
At the centre of many of these difficulties is something called working memory.
Working memory is one of the brain’s executive functions. It helps us temporarily hold information in our mind while using or manipulating that information. It plays a huge role in daily life, from remembering instructions and completing tasks, to conversations, organisation, emotional regulation, and focus. When working memory is impacted, even simple daily tasks can begin to feel exhausting.
At Hope Therapy & Counselling Services, we often work with clients who describe feeling frustrated with themselves because they “should” be able to remember things more easily. Many have spent years being misunderstood as lazy, careless, disorganised, or not listening.
But working memory difficulties are not a character flaw.
They are a genuine executive functioning challenge that can affect many neurodivergent people, particularly those with ADHD.
People seeking support for ADHD, anxiety, overwhelm, emotional regulation, or executive functioning difficulties often describe years of silently struggling before recognising that these challenges may be connected. Support may include ADHD counselling, neurodivergence support, anxiety counselling, emotional regulation therapy, or wider mental health support.
What Is Working Memory?
Working memory is the ability to hold short-term information in the mind while also using or manipulating that information.
For example, if somebody gave you the number 57382 and then asked you to repeat it backwards, you would need to temporarily store the information while mentally rearranging it.
Working memory allows us to:
- Follow multi-step instructions
- Hold information during conversations
- Remember tasks while completing them
- Keep track of time
- Process information while listening
- Organise thoughts
- Manage everyday routines
- Switch between tasks
It is essentially the brain’s temporary mental workspace.
When working memory is overloaded or less efficient, information can disappear quickly.
This is why many people with ADHD describe thoughts feeling “slippery,” as though information vanishes moments after it appears.
Executive functioning difficulties can affect both children and adults, although many adults only begin recognising the signs later in life after years of feeling overwhelmed, disorganised, anxious, or emotionally exhausted.
ADHD and Working Memory
Working memory difficulties are extremely common in ADHD.
ADHD affects attention regulation, focus, impulsivity, and executive functioning. Because attention itself can fluctuate significantly, it becomes harder for the brain to hold and manage information consistently.
An ADHD brain is often processing multiple thoughts, stimuli, emotions, or distractions at once. This can make it difficult for information to remain in the “mental workspace” long enough to use it effectively.
People with ADHD are not unintelligent or incapable. In fact, many ADHDers are highly creative, intuitive, emotionally perceptive, and capable of deep focus in areas of interest.
But executive functioning differences can create very real practical challenges.
Many clients describe:
- Forgetting tasks quickly
- Losing items regularly
- Struggling to remember verbal instructions
- Forgetting conversations
- Starting tasks but forgetting to complete them
- Missing appointments
- Feeling mentally overloaded
- Difficulty processing information quickly
- Needing reminders for everyday tasks
For some people, this can lead to deep feelings of embarrassment or shame.
Some individuals also experience:
- ADHD paralysis
- emotional dysregulation
- impulsivity
- burnout
- sensory overwhelm
- anxiety linked to performance or organisation
These experiences can overlap significantly with stress, anxiety, emotional exhaustion, and self-esteem difficulties.
Working Memory in Everyday Life
Working memory difficulties often affect far more than people realise.
Relationships
In relationships, working memory struggles can easily become misunderstood.
One partner may feel ignored, unimportant, or frustrated when chores are forgotten repeatedly, conversations are missed, or commitments slip through the cracks.
Meanwhile, the ADHD partner may feel guilty, ashamed, overwhelmed, or criticised for something they are genuinely struggling to manage.
Many couples end up trapped in cycles of:
- Repeated reminders
- Frustration
- Emotional shutdown
- Defensiveness
- Shame
- Feeling misunderstood
Often, the issue is not lack of care.
It is executive functioning.
Understanding this distinction can be hugely important in reducing blame and improving communication.
Couples counselling and neurodivergent-informed therapy can often help partners better understand executive functioning differences without automatically interpreting difficulties as intentional or uncaring behaviour.
Work and Study
Working memory can also impact performance at work, university, or school.
Tasks involving multiple steps, organisation, prioritising, or verbal information may feel particularly difficult.
Someone may appear distracted or disorganised externally while internally they are working extremely hard simply to keep up mentally.
This can affect:
- Deadlines
- Time management
- Concentration
- Organisation
- Note taking
- Following meetings
- Task completion
- Multitasking
Without understanding ADHD and executive functioning, many people internalise the belief that they are “bad” at life or incapable.
Over time, this can contribute to chronic stress, burnout, anxiety, low confidence, and emotional overwhelm.
Mental Health
Long-term working memory difficulties can also impact emotional wellbeing.
Constantly forgetting things, losing items, or struggling with daily tasks can create chronic stress and self-criticism.
Many neurodivergent adults grow up receiving messages such as:
- “You’re lazy.”
- “You never listen.”
- “You need to try harder.”
- “You’re careless.”
- “Why can’t you just remember?”
Over time, these messages can affect confidence, identity, and self-esteem.
Some people begin masking their struggles or overcompensating through perfectionism and anxiety.
Others may avoid situations where they fear forgetting something important.
For many adults, years of executive functioning difficulties can eventually contribute to:
- emotional exhaustion
- high-functioning burnout
- anxiety disorders
- shame
- relationship difficulties
- low self-worth
Why Forgetting Is Not Laziness
One of the most important things to understand about working memory difficulties is that they are neurological — not moral.
People with executive functioning difficulties are often trying extremely hard.
In fact, many ADHDers expend enormous mental energy attempting to compensate for challenges that others may not even notice.
Forgetting tasks does not mean somebody does not care.
Losing objects does not mean somebody is irresponsible.
Struggling to remember verbal information does not mean somebody is unintelligent.
Working memory differences are part of how the brain processes and regulates information.
When people are understood compassionately rather than criticised harshly, it often reduces shame significantly.
What Helps With Working Memory?
While working memory differences may not disappear entirely, there are many practical supports and strategies that can help reduce overwhelm.
The goal is often not to force the brain to function differently through willpower alone.
Instead, it can be more effective to work with the brain rather than against it.
Externalising Information
Many people with ADHD benefit from making information external rather than relying purely on memory.
This might include:
- Physical diaries
- Whiteboards
- Sticky notes
- Visual reminders
- Timers
- Phone alarms
- Written checklists
- Shared calendars
Object permanence can sometimes be difficult for people with ADHD. If something is “out of sight,” it can quickly disappear mentally too.
This is why visible reminders are often more effective than relying on memory alone.
For example, a drywipe board placed somewhere visible may work far better than a mental note.
Reducing Cognitive Overload
Working memory becomes even harder when the brain is overloaded.
Stress, anxiety, burnout, lack of sleep, sensory overwhelm, and emotional dysregulation can all reduce cognitive capacity.
Breaking tasks into smaller steps can help reduce mental strain.
Instead of:
“Clean the house.”
Try:
- Put washing on
- Empty dishwasher
- Tidy living room
- Wipe kitchen surfaces
Smaller tasks are often easier for the brain to hold and process.
Many people also benefit from reducing unnecessary multitasking, creating calmer environments, and building routines that support executive functioning rather than constantly fighting against it.
Creating Consistent Systems
Routines and systems can reduce the pressure placed on working memory.
For example:
- Keeping keys in the same place
- Using automatic reminders
- Creating visual routines
- Preparing items the night before
- Using labelled storage
Consistency reduces the number of mental decisions the brain needs to make.
This can be particularly helpful during periods of stress, anxiety, burnout, or emotional overwhelm where executive functioning may feel even harder to manage.
Self-Compassion
Many adults with ADHD carry significant shame around forgetfulness and organisation.
Self-compassion can be an important part of healing.
Rather than viewing yourself as lazy or failing, it can help to understand that your brain may simply process information differently.
Supportive environments, understanding relationships, and realistic expectations often improve functioning far more effectively than criticism.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy can provide a space to better understand executive functioning difficulties and the emotional impact they may have had.
At Hope Therapy & Counselling Services, we often support clients with:
- ADHD and neurodivergence
- Executive functioning difficulties
- Emotional regulation
- Self-esteem and shame
- Relationship challenges
- Burnout and overwhelm
- Anxiety linked to performance or organisation
Counselling is not about “fixing” who you are.
Instead, therapy can help you:
- Understand how your brain works
- Develop practical coping strategies
- Reduce shame and self-criticism
- Improve communication with others
- Build systems that support daily life
- Explore emotional patterns linked to neurodivergence
For couples, therapy can also help partners better understand executive functioning differences so difficulties are interpreted more compassionately rather than personally.
Hope Therapy offers online counselling across the UK alongside face-to-face support in selected locations. Support may include neurodivergent-informed counselling, anxiety support, emotional regulation work, relationship counselling, burnout support, and executive functioning strategies.
Working With Your Brain, Not Against It
Many neurodivergent people spend years trying to force themselves into systems that were not designed for how their brain naturally functions.
But support does not have to mean becoming somebody different.
Sometimes the most effective changes come from creating environments, routines, and expectations that actually work with your nervous system rather than constantly fighting against it.
Working memory difficulties are real.
They can be frustrating and exhausting.
But they do not define your worth, intelligence, capability, or potential.
With understanding, support, and the right strategies, it is possible to reduce overwhelm and build a life that feels more manageable and compassionate.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is working memory?
Working memory is the brain’s ability to temporarily hold and use information. It helps with tasks such as following instructions, organising thoughts, remembering information, and completing everyday activities.
Is poor working memory linked to ADHD?
Yes. Working memory difficulties are very common in ADHD because ADHD affects executive functioning and attention regulation.
Why do I forget things so easily even when I care?
For many people with ADHD, forgetfulness is related to how the brain processes and stores information rather than lack of effort or care.
Can working memory improve?
While working memory differences are often neurological, strategies, routines, therapy, coaching, and practical supports can help reduce difficulties significantly.
What helps with working memory problems?
Many people find visual reminders, routines, written lists, alarms, diaries, whiteboards, and reducing overwhelm helpful.
Can counselling help with ADHD and executive functioning?
Yes. Therapy can help people better understand their neurodivergence, reduce shame, improve coping strategies, and manage the emotional impact of executive functioning difficulties.
This Article Is Part of Our Executive Functions Series
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Hope Therapy & Counselling Services
Hope Therapy & Counselling Services offers professional counselling and emotional wellbeing support for adults experiencing ADHD-related challenges, emotional overwhelm, anxiety, burnout, executive functioning difficulties, and neurodivergence-related stress.
Support is available:
- online across the UK
- by telephone
- and face-to-face in selected locations
Free initial consultations are available with no pressure or obligation.
Written by Simon Hughes
Registered Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (MBACP)
Qualifications & Professional Background
- Diploma in Person-Centred Counselling
- Certificate in Online and Telephone Counselling
- Former Chair of Client Services — Cruse Bereavement Care Oxford
- Over 10 years’ experience in homeless services
Areas of Work
- ADHD and executive functioning
- Emotional regulation
- Anxiety and overwhelm
- Addiction support
- Bereavement counselling
- Relationship difficulties
- EAP counselling
- Organisational referrals
Sessions Available
- Face-to-face counselling in Oxford
- Home visits (Oxford area)
- Online counselling UK-wide
- Telephone counselling
Adults (18+) · Older adults · EAP clients
£65 per session
Monday to Friday — daytime and evenings