Podcast Transcript: Can ONE Misunderstanding RUIN Your Relationship Forever
Wendy:
Have you ever been upset with someone because they didn’t do something you expected them to do—but you never actually told them what you needed? This happens all the time in relationships, friendships, and even in the workplace.
Why is that a problem? Because we assume others know what we’re thinking or feeling. But when we don’t express our needs, we’re setting people up to fail. These unspoken expectations often lead to frustration and resentment.
Instead of assuming, we need to be open and clear. For example, instead of expecting your partner to notice you need help with chores, just say, “Hey, I’d really appreciate it if we could split the chores this week.” Checking in for clarity also helps—if someone seems off, rather than avoiding the subject, say something like, “It feels like something’s off today. Do you want to talk?”
Assume good intent. If a friend forgets to text back, don’t automatically assume they’re ignoring you—maybe they’re busy or overwhelmed. Clear communication removes guesswork and helps prevent unnecessary conflict.
Ian:
Another big issue is defensive responses. Imagine your partner says, “I feel like you haven’t been very present lately.” Instead of acknowledging their feelings, you say, “That’s not true, I’ve just been really busy.”
Why do we get defensive? Because we often feel attacked or criticized—even when that’s not the intent. We focus on justifying ourselves instead of listening. Defensiveness shuts down productive conversation.
So, pause before responding. Ask yourself: “What are they really trying to say? Are they just checking in?” Validate their feelings—say something like, “I can see why you’d feel that way. Let’s talk about it.”
This shifts us from reaction to reflection. Ask, “Is there any truth in what they’re saying?” Instead of saying, “That’s not fair,” try: “I didn’t realize I was coming across that way. Let’s talk about it.” Be mindful of your tone as well as your words. This creates space for understanding, not arguments.
Another blocker in communication is stonewalling or avoidance. Have you ever shut down during a tough conversation—walked away, changed the subject, or given one-word answers? That’s stonewalling. It makes others feel unheard and rejected and prevents resolution.
When you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break. Say: “I need a moment to gather my thoughts, but I do want to talk about this. Can we come back to it in an hour?” Use “I” statements like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed, I need a few minutes to process what’s being said.” The key is to come back to the conversation. That builds trust and shows you’re not ignoring the issue.
Then there’s passive-aggressive behavior, which can erode trust. Most of us have done it or experienced it—silent treatment, sarcasm, withdrawing affection, saying “I’m fine” when we’re clearly not.
These behaviours cause confusion and resentment. People don’t know what’s wrong or how to help. Instead of being sarcastic—“Wow, must be nice to have all that free time,”—try: “I’m feeling overwhelmed. Could we talk about how to share the responsibilities better?”
Be direct, but kind. Say: “I felt hurt when you didn’t check in earlier.” Encourage open dialogue. If someone’s being passive-aggressive, say: “It feels like something’s bothering you—do you want to talk about it?”
Honest communication builds trust. Passive-aggression only increases emotional distance.
Wendy:
That’s all really useful, Ian. I’m wondering—are there certain categories of people we might need to think about more deeply? For example, introverts versus extroverts, neurodivergent individuals, or people in long-distance relationships who rely on digital communication.
Ian:
Great question, Wendy. It’s so important to understand that communication is not one-size-fits-all. We all have different needs based on our personality, neurodiversity, or even the physical distance between us.
Let’s start with introverts vs. extroverts.
Have you ever had a conversation where one person wants to talk things out right away while the other needs time to think? That’s a classic introvert-extrovert dynamic.
Generally speaking:
- Extroverts process thoughts by speaking out loud. They often prefer immediate responses, enjoy social interaction, and may not need much space or downtime.
- Introverts, on the other hand, may need time to process before responding. They often prefer deeper one-on-one conversations, can find long conversations draining, and may become overwhelmed by too much interaction.
So how do we bridge that gap?
- If you’re an extrovert talking to an introvert, give them space. Say: “Take your time—we can talk when you’re ready.”
- If you’re an introvert speaking with an extrovert, let them know you need a break but set a time to revisit the conversation: “Can we chat in an hour?”
Understanding these differences makes communication more respectful for both sides.
Can ONE Misunderstanding RUIN Your Relationship Forever podcast transcript continues below:
Then we have neurodivergent communication styles—particularly in people with ADHD or autism.
Someone with ADHD may:
- Speak quickly or interrupt (due to racing thoughts)
- Struggle with long, detailed conversations
- Prefer to move or fidget during discussions
People with autism may:
- Prefer literal, direct language
- Struggle with interpreting social cues or tone
- Find verbal conversations draining and prefer written communication
So how can we support these communication needs?
- Be patient with pacing
- Use clear and direct language
- Respect different formats (e.g., texting instead of talking)
- Avoid assumptions, especially when tone or facial expressions aren’t present (e.g., in messages)
Lastly, in long-distance relationships, technology plays a major role—but it has limitations.
Text removes tone and body language, which can lead to misinterpretation. Delays in responses might cause frustration. That’s why it helps to:
- Use mixed communication methods—texts for updates, but also voice notes, video calls, or handwritten letters for emotional depth
- Set expectations about reply times
- Create shared experiences online—watch a show together, play games, or have a virtual dinner
With intentionality and creativity, long-distance relationships—romantic, platonic, or professional—can still thrive. But like all relationships, they require effort.
Wendy:
Thank you again, Ian. Really valuable points, especially the idea of having a virtual meal together—I know someone who does that and it works brilliantly.
So just finally, Ian, if someone has listened to this podcast and feels they’d benefit from professional help, what should they do next?
Ian:
Thanks, Wendy. At Hope Therapy & Counselling Services, we have a whole team who specialise in this area. Anyone is welcome to reach out. Our website is www.hopefulmind.co.uk. You can book a free consultation, and we’ll explore your needs in more detail.
Whatever you’re looking for, we usually have someone who can help.
Wendy:
Thanks, Ian. I’m also a therapist and work a lot with clients around communication. If you’d like to get in touch, my website is www.wendicastellino.com. Feel free to drop me a line—happy to chat over phone or email, whatever suits you best.
So, thank you again, Ian, for all your insights—really helpful tips for improving communication in all types of relationships. And thank you to everyone for listening.
Please don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share this episode with anyone who could use a boost in turning their resolutions into reality.
Ian:
Thank you so much, Wendy. Take care.
Wendy:
Goodbye everyone.
Can ONE Misunderstanding RUIN Your Relationship Forever?