Episode Title: Supporting a Partner with Mental Health Issues
In this heartfelt episode, Wendy and Ian explore the delicate but vital topic of supporting a partner who is struggling with their mental health.
Ian, a senior accredited member of the National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society and founder of Hope Therapy & Counselling Services, joins Wendy to unpack what effective support really looks like. Together, they discuss how to spot early signs of mental health struggles, the importance of setting healthy boundaries, and why self-care matters just as much for the supporter as it does for the person struggling.
From practical conversation starters to insights about the emotional toll of caregiving, this episode offers both compassion and clarity. Wendy and Ian also confront the stigma that often surrounds mental health and offer encouraging steps to help a loved one seek professional support.
Whether you’re currently supporting someone or want to be better prepared, this conversation provides grounded, thoughtful advice you can truly use.
🕰️ Episode Guide:
- 00:00 – Welcome & Introduction
- 00:35 – Meet Wendy & Ian
- 01:49 – Why Supporting Matters
- 04:11 – Recognising the Signs
- 06:01 – The Emotional Toll of Helping
- 07:29 – Strategies That Actually Help
- 19:09 – How to Start the Conversation
- 29:27 – Common Mistakes to Avoid
- 35:37 – Encouraging Professional Support
- 37:20 – Final Thoughts & Resources
Podcast Transcript
Wendy:
Hi, everyone, and a warm welcome to another episode of the Talk Room series of podcasts.
I’m Wendy, and today, we’re diving into an incredibly interesting and important topic, How to best support your partner when they’re struggling with Mental Health Issues.
We will be looking at this and how you can be your best self, even when faced with this particular challenge, by leveraging the power of counselling and therapeutic support.
For those of you who are joining us for the first time, I’d like to introduce my co-presenter,
Ian. Ian is a Senior Accredited National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society member and the founder of Hope Therapy & Counselling Services. Hope is a counselling & coaching organisation offering support throughout the UK for a wide range of concerns and challenges, and works with goal setting on a very regular basis.
Ian:
Thank you, Wendy. And let me return the favour by introducing you—Wendy is a highly experienced CBT psychotherapist who has been involved in the field of mental health and wellbeing for over 30 years.
We’re both passionate about helping people navigate their mental health, relationship, and well-being journeys, and today’s discussion about How to Best Support Your partner when they’re struggling with mental health is an important part of that
Wendy:
So, Ian, maybe you could start by saying a little more about this area and why it is such an important subject not just for those we’re supporting. But also in turn of the impact on ourselves too.
{Ian}
Yes, of course Wendy.
Today’s episode is a really important one. We’re talking about something that so many of us face—but often feel unprepared for—and that’s how to support someone who’s struggling with their mental health.
Maybe it’s your partner, a friend, a parent, or even a work colleague.
Maybe you’ve noticed something’s not quite right… they seem more withdrawn, more anxious, overwhelmed—or maybe they’ve even opened up about something really difficult they’re going through. And you’re left thinking:
“What do I say?” “What if I say the wrong thing?” “How do I help without making it worse… or burning myself out in the process?”
If any of that sounds familiar—you are not alone. And you’re in the right place, because this is what we will be looking at today.
The first thing to say is that support isn’t always about having the right answers. It can often be more about being there and simply staying present, and knowing what you can—and can’t—do.
So, in this episode, we’re going to break these areas down a little.
We’re going to look at:
- How to recognise when someone might be struggling
- The do’s and don’ts of offering support
- Why boundaries and self-care for you are just as important as they are for the person you’re supporting
- And how to encourage professional help when it’s needed—without pressure or judgement
So, whether people are supporting someone right now or just want to be better prepared if someone reaches out to them, this episode is for them.
But first, before we jump into how to support someone, let’s take a moment to talk about what’s really going on when someone is struggling with their mental health.
Because the truth is—mental health challenges aren’t always loud. They’re not always dramatic or obvious. Sometimes they show up as silence. As someone cancelling plans. As short replies. As irritability. Or simply as someone who seems “not quite themselves.”
We often imagine mental health struggles in extremes—like someone in deep crisis, unable to get out of bed, or visibly distressed. And while that absolutely happens, many people are quietly navigating things in very different ways.
And let’s not forget grief, loneliness, self-esteem struggles, and relationship issues. These things don’t always come with a diagnosis and they’re not always loud and bold—but they’re still valid, and they still need care.
So when we think about the question “Am I supporting someone with mental health issues?” We might include all those categories, not just those that are loud and bold and very obvious.
Now, here’s the part we don’t talk about enough: It’s really hard to watch someone you love in pain. We assume that we should just naturally be able to do it if we’re a good person. But actually, it can be really tough.
Whether it’s a partner, your child, a friend, or a colleague—you might often feel helpless. Or scared. Or even frustrated, because they won’t talk to you. Or because you are talking, but nothing seems to be changing. Maybe you’re just left with that feeling that they’re not listening to what you say.
You might find yourself swinging between roles: part therapist, part cheerleader, part detective (trying to figure out what’s wrong). And then there’s the guilt. “Am I doing enough?” “Am I making it worse?” “Why do I feel so drained when I’m not the one struggling?”
It’s really important for people to know that all of this is completely normal.
The emotional toll of supporting someone with mental health challenges can be incredibly real. It’s not selfish to feel overwhelmed by it—it’s human.
So when we talk about supporting someone with mental health challenges. Part of the answer is about supporting them. But part of it is also about how to best support yourself, whilst you’re supporting them.
But the emphasis here is on the word support. It’s so important to recognise that people’s role is not always to feel they need to fix people. Instead, people’s role is often better defined as needing to walk alongside them, to hold space, to offer kindness, consistency, and sometimes, gently, encouragement toward professional support. But not always to place ourselves under the pressure of saying “It’s my job to fix them” and feeling that you’ve failed in some way if you don’t see them immediately improving. Sometimes, expert help is needed and our role is more about offering support whilst this is being accessed.
There’s also a myth that you have to say the “perfect” thing.
But the truth is: you don’t need magic words and often their isn’t a magic word—you just need to show up.
To be there. To listen. To make space for their pain without rushing to make it go away.
I suspect we may talk more about how to do that later. But for people listening, just know this:
If you’re showing up with love, even if it’s messy or awkward or uncertain—that already means a lot more to people than you may think.
If people are listening right now and someone comes to mind—a friend, a partner, a colleague who’s been struggling—maybe just pausing for a moment and hold them in your thoughts – just for a moment.
And maybe ask yourself:
What would it feel like to simply let them know I’m here? No pressure. Just presence.
{Wendy}
That’s great Ian, thank you.
So, I really get a sense of the place to start is simply being there. Knowing that we don’t have to put ourselves under the pressure of fixing someone. Often it’s more about just holding space for them and letting them know we are there.
I wanted to just take a step back for a moment and try and understand what might actually be going on when someone is struggling with their mental health.
Mental health challenges can look different from person to person. As you said earlier, sometimes they’re loud and obvious—a panic attack, emotional outbursts, or withdrawing from work or social situations.
But more often, they’re subtle.
I wonder if you could say a little more about that.
{Ian}
Yes, absolutely.
We might sense that something is wrong when we notice:
- A friend who’s suddenly hard to reach.
- The colleague who’s constantly exhausted.
- The partner who snaps more easily or seems distant than they might normally be.
- The parent who never talks about how they’re feeling, but always looks burdened.
The truth is, mental health struggles aren’t always visible and obvious. But that doesn’t stop them from being real. It doesn’t stop them from being painful. Both for the person with the condition but also for those people who are looking in – maybe not knowing quite what to do.
So when we think about things that are going on beneath the surface, we might think of things such as:
- Anxiety: which might show up as overthinking, difficulty relaxing, avoiding certain situations, or physical symptoms like tension, headaches, or digestive issues. But not always presenting in a really obvious and loud way.
- Depression: could mean struggling to get out of bed, losing interest in things they used to enjoy, feeling hopeless, or constantly tired—emotionally and physically.
- Trauma: this may lead to being easily startled, feeling numb or dissociated, having nightmares, or avoiding reminders of past events.
- And then there’s burnout, which as therapists we seem to be seeing more and more of—especially in carers, parents, professionals, and key workers. Burnout can look like cynicism, brain fog, fatigue, and a deep sense of emotional depletion.
It’s also important to remember that many people experience more than one of these at the same time. And they might not even have the words for it yet. Or even the insight to recognise what’s going on for them.
So when someone we care about is going through these types of struggles, it can feel confusing. Maybe even a little scary. Both for the person themselves, but also for us as someone who wants to offer support.
{Wendy}
Again Ian, that’s really helpful.
…and as you say, supporting someone with some sort of mental health challenge isn’t always easy.
I wonder if you could say a little more about how that can be for the person trying to support someone?
{Ian}
Yes, great question.
And let’s be honest—supporting someone with mental health challenges isn’t always easy for people.
You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
You might want to fix it—but not know how. We talked about that earlier.
You might feel helpless, frustrated, or even guilty for not being able to do more.
All of those things are incredibly common.
So just knowing, that it’s ok for people to feel that way – in fact it’s more than ok. It is entirely normal.
What’s important to remember is: As we said earlier, you are not responsible for fixing them.
You are responsible for showing up, for listening, for holding space—and, where possible, encouraging them to get the help they need and deserve. Whilst also looking after yourself at the same time.
{Wendy}
How does the question of stigma fit in with this?
{Ian}
Again, a great question Wendy.
And this is really interesting.
Despite growing awareness, for some people there can still be a sense of shame around mental health struggles.
So people supporting someone else might worry about being judged or that the person they are supporting may be judged. Or maybe they are judging themselves. Maybe they see such struggles as being “weak,” or being a burden in some way. This is especially true in certain cultural contexts, workplaces, or for men, who are often been taught to “just get on with it.”
That’s why empathy, patience, and non-judgemental support are so powerful. Because they help chip away at that shame and remind someone that they don’t have to go through this entirely human response all on their own.
So, as a supporter, all of that means recognising that you’re not expected to be a therapist.
You don’t need to diagnose, or solve, or carry the whole weight all on your own.
What you can do is be present. Be kind. Be curious, rather than critical.
And know when to say, “I’m here for you, but it might also be helpful to speak to someone who’s trained to support you through this.” And asking for help or encouraging someone to ask for help isn’t about you washing your hands of a situation. It’s simply about ensuring they get the very best help from someone who is experienced at doing exactly that. If we don’t know how to fix our car, we would speak to a mechanic. If we didn’t know how to rebuild a wall, we would speak to a builder. This really is the same. You are just reaching out to the most experienced and qualified person to help with the particular thing that needs supporting.
If there’s one takeaway from this part of the conversation, let it be this:
Struggling with mental health isn’t a weakness. It’s human.
And supporting someone through it, doesn’t require perfection—just presence.
{Wendy}
So, again really helpful Ian.
But I can imagine that for some people they may struggle to even open up the conversation in the first place. I wonder if there is anything more you could say about that and how to manage the conversation once it has been started.
{Ian}
Yes, and this is a really important area. People often say, they didn’t know where to start and they just found it really overwhelming.
So people may be out there just thinking:
“What should I say?”
“What if I say the wrong thing?”
“What if they don’t want help?”
So let’s break it down into realistic, compassionate steps—because often, it’s the small, consistent things that make the biggest difference.
1. Start the Conversation Gently
So, if you’ve noticed a change in someone you care about—maybe they seem withdrawn, on edge, or just off—you don’t need to come in with big, dramatic questions.
Sometimes a simple:
- “Hey, you don’t seem quite yourself lately. Want to talk?”
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit quieter than usual. How are you doing, really?”
- “Is there anything on your mind you’d like to share? No pressure.”
The goal here isn’t to “get answers” but to open a door. You’re showing them that you’ve noticed and that you care, without forcing them to open up before they’re ready.
And if they don’t want to talk right away? That’s okay.
You’ve planted the seed—and sometimes, that’s enough for now.
2. Listen Without Trying to ‘Fix’
When someone does open up, the most powerful thing you can do is just listen.
Not listen to reply. Not listen to offer solutions. Just… listen.
You can say things like:
- “That sounds really tough.”
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “I can’t imagine exactly what it’s like, but I’m here with you.”
Avoid jumping in with “at least” statements—like “At least it’s not worse” or “At least you still have your job.” These can feel dismissive, even when you mean well.
And resist the urge to compare. Saying, “I know exactly how you feel, I went through the same thing…” might shift the focus away from their experience.
Instead, offer presence over advice. Because what they need most is to feel heard, not for you to try and fix them.
3. Offer Practical Support
When someone is struggling mentally or emotionally, even basic daily tasks can feel overwhelming.
You might offer help with things like:
- Cooking a meal or dropping off groceries.
- Babysitting their kids for a couple of hours.
- Giving them a lift to an appointment.
- Sending a check-in message: “Thinking of you. No need to reply, just here if you need me.”
These simple actions say: “You don’t have to do this alone.”
Be specific in what you offer. Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try “Would it help if I brought over dinner on Thursday?”
4. Encourage Professional Help (Gently)
If someone seems to be struggling over a longer period, or if they’re in real distress, professional support can make a huge difference.
But how you bring it up matters.
You might say:
- “Have you thought about talking to someone? A therapist could give you space to work through this.”
- “I really care about you, and I want you to feel supported. Would you be open to exploring some counselling options?”
- “You don’t have to figure this all out alone. There are people who are trained to help with exactly this.”
If they’re unsure or resistant, that’s okay. Avoid pushing. Instead, stay supportive and leave the door open for future conversations. Remember “No” might actually mean “Not Yet”. So always trying to leave options open.
And remember, you can always offer to help with the practical bits—finding a therapist, looking into services, or even sitting with them during a first call or session if they want support.
5. Know Your Limits & Look After Yourself Too
Supporting someone else—especially over time—can take a toll on your own wellbeing. And you matter in this equation too.
It’s okay to set boundaries. Boundaries are not about dismissal.
It’s okay to take breaks. Breaks are not about saying I don’t care.
It’s okay to say, “I’m really sorry you’re going through this—I care deeply—but I also need to look after my own mental health too.” And then maybe offering an alternate solution.
This isn’t about stepping away—it’s about sustaining your ability to stay present over the long term, without burning out.
If you feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to get support for yourself—whether that’s counselling, peer support, or even just talking things through with someone you trust.
Supporting someone else is hard.
But it’s also deeply human.
And doing it with compassion and self-awareness is what makes that support truly sustainable.
So, again…
Practical support doesn’t have to be perfect.
It looks like:
- Checking in with kindness.
- Listening without necessarily fixing them.
- Offering small acts of care.
- Gently signposting to professional help.
- And caring for yourself in the process.
You’re not expected to do it all—but your presence, patience, and empathy truly do matter.
So, if there’s someone you’ve been worried about lately, maybe this is the week to reach out. It doesn’t have to be heavy. Just a message, a check-in, a cuppa together.
Let them know you’re there.
And if you’re listening to this and you’re the one struggling—please know: you’re not a burden. You’re not alone. And you absolutely deserve support too.
{Wendy}
Again Ian, really helpful.
We’ve all said the wrong thing at some point, even with the best intentions. When someone you care about is struggling, you want to help, to fix, to make it better. And sometimes, in that effort, we can say or do things that don’t quite land the way we hope.
So, rather than talking about the things to do. Maybe we could talk a little about the things not to do?
{Ian}
Yes – and this is a really important area.
1. Don’t Try to Cheer Them Up with Toxic Positivity
We’ve all heard phrases like:
- “Just think positive!”
- “It could be worse.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
While well-meaning, these can feel dismissive or invalidating. When someone’s struggling, they don’t need sunshine and rainbows—they need honesty, empathy, and space to feel what they’re feeling and to know its ok to feel it and they won’t be judged.
2. Don’t Make It About You
This one’s tricky. It’s natural to want to relate—we might say:
- “Oh, I’ve felt like that too when…”
- “I know exactly how you feel.”
But here’s the thing: this is their moment, not yours. Unless they ask for your experience, try to hold back and focus on them.
It’s okay to relate, but they need to be the main character in their own story, not for you to make it about you.
3. Be Cautious about Offering Unsolicited Advice or Quick Fixes
Mental Health Issues isn’t always something you can fix quickly with a to-do list.
Phrases like:
- “Why don’t you just go for a run?”
- “You should try yoga.”
- “You just need to get out more.”
Even if these things helped you, they might feel overwhelming or even patronising to someone else. Instead of advice, offer I would say offer curiosity.
You might say:
“What do you feel would help right now?”
“Is there anything I can do that would make today easier for you?”
4. Don’t Minimise Their Experience
Avoid anything that begins with “at least…”:
- “At least you have a job.”
- “At least you’re not as bad as so-and-so.”
It can come off like you’re saying their pain isn’t valid—which, of course, is never your intention.
You could say:
“That sounds really tough.”
“I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.”
Validation goes a long way.
5. Don’t Disappear
This one’s subtle, but important. When someone is going through Mental Health Issues, they might withdraw—or seem less fun to be around.
It can be tempting to step back and give them “space,” or to say to yourself “they didn’t get back to me so they clearly don’t want to be around me at the moment”. But if you disappear altogether, they might feel forgotten or unimportant.
When someone is struggling with mental health issues it can feel like it’s simply to much to reach out. So silence isn’t always about saying no. Sometimes it’s about saying I’m not able to at the moment.
Stay connected in gentle ways:
- A quick message.
- A funny meme.
- A “thinking of you” card.
It reminds them: You matter, even when you’re not okay.It reminds them that you care and that you’re there. It reminds them that they don’t have to be on top form and that you still want to be there for them.
Remember, we’re all learning.
If you’ve said the wrong thing in the past, don’t beat yourself up. What matters is your intention—and your willingness to grow and support the person now.
Being a good support isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up, listening, and offering kindness without conditions. It isn’t about being able to ‘fix’ them or always knowing exactly what to say.
That’s what really helps people feel less alone.
{Wendy:}
So finally, Ian, if someone has listened to this Mental Health Issues podcast and feels they might benefit from professional help, what should they do next?
Ian:
If people are looking for support, organisations like Hope Therapy & Counselling Services are here to help. We have a team of experienced counsellors and therapists who focus on wide ranging areas including all of the areas that we have discussed in today’s podcast. We can work with the person struggling with the mental health issue or the person who is acting as support.
Our website, www.hopefulminds.co.uk, offers a range of free resources and detailed information about the services we provide for communication challenges and other areas too.
We also offer free consultations where you can discuss your situation and Mental Health Issues in a gentle, unpressurised way. This can be a great first step to understanding what kind of support might be right for you.
Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and share this episode with anyone who could use a little boost in turning their resolutions into reality.