Welcome to episode 29 of our Talk Room series of podcasts, “Being Your Best Self.” Today, we delve into a compelling and often overlooked topic: Boarding School Syndrome. For those unfamiliar with our series, I am Ian, a senior accredited counsellor with the National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society and founder of Hope Therapy and Counselling Services. Joining me is Wendy, a highly experienced CBT psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience in mental health and well-being. Today, we are thrilled to welcome Helen, an experienced counsellor and therapist from the Hope Therapy and Counselling team, who will share her expertise on Boarding School Syndrome.
Understanding Boarding School Syndrome
Boarding School Syndrome is a collection of symptoms and behaviours experienced by adults who attended boarding school as children. These behaviours often stem from the attachment disruptions caused by separation from their families and the institutional environment of boarding schools. Helen describes it as a phenomenon where children, torn from their familiar surroundings and thrust into an institutional setting, develop coping mechanisms that can persist into adulthood.
Helen’s Journey into Boarding School Syndrome
Helen’s interest in this topic was sparked by Nick Duffell’s documentary, “The Making of Them,” which opened her eyes to the profound impact of boarding school experiences. Her curiosity led her to pursue further education on the subject, culminating in a deep understanding of how these early experiences affected her relationship with her mother, who had attended boarding school.
Causes of Boarding School Syndrome
Children sent to boarding school experience a broken attachment to their caregivers, being cared for instead by teachers and housemasters who do not provide the same emotional support. This sudden separation can feel like a bereavement, leading children to shut down their emotions to cope. In such an environment, children learn self-sufficiency and may suppress their feelings, often facing bullying and abuse, which further compounds their emotional distress.
Symptoms
Helen explains that the coping mechanisms developed in childhood often carry over into adulthood, manifesting in various ways. Nick Duffell identifies three strategic survival personalities: the complier, the rebel, and the crushed. These personalities, while helpful in childhood, can become maladaptive in adult life. For instance, an adult complier might struggle with acknowledging their own needs, the crushed might feel ashamed of their difficulties despite a seemingly robust upbringing, and the rebel might cling to their rebellious identity, fearing change.
Adults with Boarding School Syndrome often find it difficult to navigate relationships, as their ability to acknowledge and express emotions is impaired. This can result in anxiety, dissociation, and a poor sense of self, with individuals often feeling disconnected from their true identities.
Not Everyone is Affected
Helen emphasises that not everyone who attends boarding school develops this syndrome. The severity of symptoms can depend on factors such as the strength of their attachment before going away, the level of support they received while at school, and their age when sent to boarding school. Some individuals may not immediately recognise their symptoms as being related to their boarding school experiences, instead attributing them to anxiety or other issues.
Therapeutic Interventions
Therapy can play a crucial role in helping individuals with Boarding School Syndrome. However, Helen notes that former boarding school students might be reluctant to seek therapy due to their ingrained self-sufficiency and possible feelings of shame. For those who do seek help, therapy can aid in rebuilding their sense of self, understanding their emotions, and improving their interpersonal relationships.
Therapists can help clients process their experiences, diminish the power of their stories of loneliness and confusion, and facilitate healing through reparenting approaches. Techniques like grounding exercises, inner child work, and empty chair work can be powerful tools in the therapeutic process.
Seeking Help and Resources
For those recognising symptoms of Boarding School Syndrome, Helen recommends finding a therapist specialising in this area. Resources such as the Boarding School Survivors website can be valuable for locating specialised therapists. Additionally, general trauma therapists can also provide support. Workshops, support groups, and various therapeutic interventions like yoga, mindfulness, and creative therapies can be beneficial.
The awareness of Boarding School Syndrome is increasing, leading to more resources and support becoming available. Helen highlights the importance of recognising and addressing these issues to move towards healing and better understanding.
Conclusion
Boarding School Syndrome is a complex and multifaceted issue that can significantly impact an individual’s emotional and psychological well-being. Through understanding, therapeutic intervention, and supportive resources, individuals can work towards healing and rebuilding their lives. If you or someone you know is affected by this, consider seeking the help of a specialised therapist to navigate this journey.